Waxing Poetic

Ahh, Gentle Reader, Dad has been haunting me today. First, "29", then going to the hardware store (where every smell, every tool, every man covered in grease who knows what the fuck he's talking about reminds me of Dad), then a man on the bus with worker's hands - dirty and beat up, and lastly a penpal who asked what my favorite time of day was.  Not a small part of me HATES him for what he did to Mom - what he turned her into.  And part of me loves him because he was our Dad.  And another part FULLY believes he would have hated Matt for who they are (without actually getting to know them).  And I wonder if he would hate the Drag Queens and ALL the Trans KIDS and people who are being silenced, if not killed. And when I think about that, it SICKENS me. I'm glad I only inherited his physical problems, and not his mental defects.  Dad was racist, and sexist, and many not good things. He died when I was 20, and only starting to learn about feminism and activism and ...

Ahh, Gentle Reader, Well, it finally happened. My mother has crossed a line I cannot excuse / defend / overlook.  For YEARS, everyone I've talked to about her has told me to cut contact / lessen contact / enforce boundaries / etc. because she is toxic. This includes doctors, friends, acquaintences, everyone . And I just couldn't do it. I love her. I felt sorry for her. I didn't want to give up on her, or leave her without support.  But tonight, she tactically attacked, went for the "Critical Hit" shot that she knew would do the most damage . I refuse to allow that behavior to continue. I refuse to allow her COMPLETE lack of accountability for her own behavior to continue. I refuse to allow her accusations to continue. I refuse to allow her manipulative behavior to continue. (This list could get long.) I refuse to allow her to keep the relationship we have with a weird power dynamic that is unhealthy for both of us, and practically undoes the HARD WORK I have done,...

Ahh, Gentle Reader,  I am usually one of the last people to listen to a new album. I don't really know why. It's not a goal of mine, or a particular thing I strive for. I just do things in my own time, I suppose. Well, lately I have been very sick of the music I have access to, as well as the YouTubers I have been in the mood to watch. So, I decided to make a separate playlist (On Tidal, cause FUCK Spotify), of Taylor Swift's newest album, Midnights, and listen through it. I figured if her last four albums were any indication, I would like at least part of it.  I was correct. I like a good deal of the album. In my excitement, I shared part of this with someone close to me, who was shocked by some of the lyrics, and said, "It looks like she found something to write about besides her ex-boyfriends."  This really upset me, for a few reasons. The person in question has not dated much, so does not have the experience of pouring your entire self, your SOUL into a relati...

Ahh, Gentle Reader, I recently broke up with a penpal. I have not heard back from her, so I’m not sure what she might say. She was my longest running penpal. She was also the oldest in age, I believe. We were friends on Failbonk. I loved her . She has always been kind to me. So, what’s the problem, you ask?  She shared a couple posts that I so strongly disagreed with, that I was forced to act . I could not allow such injustice-driven posts to go unnoticed or unchallenged . I could not ignore the fact that she was spreading misinformation and unfiltered hatred on to her friends and that it was hurting me .  The first one was about the rainbow, and how humanity had distorted its meaning. Apparently, it was to symbolize a covenant with “God”. I don’t know anything about this, as I gave up Christianity many years ago. I simply cannot reconcile the “just and loving God” with the one that allows children to be raped, women to be oppressed, innocent people to be tortured and kil...