Waxing Poetic

Ahh Gentle Reader,  After I was sexually assaulted, in 2019, my crisis counselor instructed me to keep a journal. She didn't give me prompts, just told me to journal. And I did. I journaled about my abusive ex, my rapist, the FWB I had after that, and more.  I picked up that journal a couple days ago, and the entry that caught me was from August of 2019, and simply said, "I am afraid I am going to be alone forever.". And it almost made me laugh, given that I have found my partner, my love, my home.  So I reflected on it for a few minutes. I took a picture of it for posterity's sake. And then, I THREW THE JOURNAL AWAY!!!!  Because I DON'T LIVE THERE ANYMORE!!!!  I'm no longer a broken, hollowed out husk of a woman, a fragment of who I was, a monster filled with RAGE. I am changed, I can't deny that. But I am a strong, loving, compassionate, beautiful soul. I see the beauty all around me. I love with my whole self, as I once did. And I'm able to accept t...

Ahh, Gentle Reader,  I am usually one of the last people to listen to a new album. I don't really know why. It's not a goal of mine, or a particular thing I strive for. I just do things in my own time, I suppose. Well, lately I have been very sick of the music I have access to, as well as the YouTubers I have been in the mood to watch. So, I decided to make a separate playlist (On Tidal, cause FUCK Spotify), of Taylor Swift's newest album, Midnights, and listen through it. I figured if her last four albums were any indication, I would like at least part of it.  I was correct. I like a good deal of the album. In my excitement, I shared part of this with someone close to me, who was shocked by some of the lyrics, and said, "It looks like she found something to write about besides her ex-boyfriends."  This really upset me, for a few reasons. The person in question has not dated much, so does not have the experience of pouring your entire self, your SOUL into a relati...

Ahh, Gentle Reader, There's a Sara Evans' song that says, "I didn't know nothin' 'bout love, I learned that from you .". I'd like to tell you the things I've learned from my Sweetie.  I thought I knew what love felt like, what passion was, what it meant to be safe in someone’s arms. I have learned what these things are, and so much more.  I have learned what it is to ugly cry and not feel ugly, but to be held and consoled and comforted. I have learned what it is to see my beloved ugly cry, and not find it ugly, but beautiful that they trust me with their innermost thoughts, fears, and pain. They know that they are safe with me. That is beautiful. I have learned what it is to scream to the heavens with such passion I am more animal than human. That is beautiful. I have learned that sometimes I need to lean into their strength, when mine fails. But other times, they need to borrow some of my strength, and that is a beautiful gift to give and receive....