I Don't Live There Anymore!

Ahh Gentle Reader, 


After I was sexually assaulted, in 2019, my crisis counselor instructed me to keep a journal. She didn't give me prompts, just told me to journal. And I did. I journaled about my abusive ex, my rapist, the FWB I had after that, and more. 


I picked up that journal a couple days ago, and the entry that caught me was from August of 2019, and simply said, "I am afraid I am going to be alone forever.". And it almost made me laugh, given that I have found my partner, my love, my home. 

So I reflected on it for a few minutes. I took a picture of it for posterity's sake. And then, I THREW THE JOURNAL AWAY!!!!  Because I DON'T LIVE THERE ANYMORE!!!! 

I'm no longer a broken, hollowed out husk of a woman, a fragment of who I was, a monster filled with RAGE. I am changed, I can't deny that. But I am a strong, loving, compassionate, beautiful soul. I see the beauty all around me. I love with my whole self, as I once did. And I'm able to accept that kind of love in return. It took a long time to get here. But I am here. 


I told my therapist about throwing out the journal and that "I don't live there anymore.", and she literally applauded. That was one of the greatest moments.   

Remember, as always, to stay safe, wear your mask, drink water, and love yourself as you love your friends. 

All My Love,
Izzy


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