Waxing Poetic

Ahh Gentle Reader,  After I was sexually assaulted, in 2019, my crisis counselor instructed me to keep a journal. She didn't give me prompts, just told me to journal. And I did. I journaled about my abusive ex, my rapist, the FWB I had after that, and more.  I picked up that journal a couple days ago, and the entry that caught me was from August of 2019, and simply said, "I am afraid I am going to be alone forever.". And it almost made me laugh, given that I have found my partner, my love, my home.  So I reflected on it for a few minutes. I took a picture of it for posterity's sake. And then, I THREW THE JOURNAL AWAY!!!!  Because I DON'T LIVE THERE ANYMORE!!!!  I'm no longer a broken, hollowed out husk of a woman, a fragment of who I was, a monster filled with RAGE. I am changed, I can't deny that. But I am a strong, loving, compassionate, beautiful soul. I see the beauty all around me. I love with my whole self, as I once did. And I'm able to accept t...

Ahh, Gentle Reader,  I am usually one of the last people to listen to a new album. I don't really know why. It's not a goal of mine, or a particular thing I strive for. I just do things in my own time, I suppose. Well, lately I have been very sick of the music I have access to, as well as the YouTubers I have been in the mood to watch. So, I decided to make a separate playlist (On Tidal, cause FUCK Spotify), of Taylor Swift's newest album, Midnights, and listen through it. I figured if her last four albums were any indication, I would like at least part of it.  I was correct. I like a good deal of the album. In my excitement, I shared part of this with someone close to me, who was shocked by some of the lyrics, and said, "It looks like she found something to write about besides her ex-boyfriends."  This really upset me, for a few reasons. The person in question has not dated much, so does not have the experience of pouring your entire self, your SOUL into a relati...

Ahh, Gentle Reader, There's a Sara Evans' song that says, "I didn't know nothin' 'bout love, I learned that from you .". I'd like to tell you the things I've learned from my Sweetie.  I thought I knew what love felt like, what passion was, what it meant to be safe in someone’s arms. I have learned what these things are, and so much more.  I have learned what it is to ugly cry and not feel ugly, but to be held and consoled and comforted. I have learned what it is to see my beloved ugly cry, and not find it ugly, but beautiful that they trust me with their innermost thoughts, fears, and pain. They know that they are safe with me. That is beautiful. I have learned what it is to scream to the heavens with such passion I am more animal than human. That is beautiful. I have learned that sometimes I need to lean into their strength, when mine fails. But other times, they need to borrow some of my strength, and that is a beautiful gift to give and receive....

     Ahh, gentle reader,     Today has been a rough day; This whole week has, to be honest. And one of the the things that has gotten me through it is my beloved betrothed , my Sweetie. I can't say enough good things about them. But I'm gonna try. 😉     Any time that I am struggling, sometimes when I don't even see it , they are there. They reassure me, and remind me of stuff I need to do, and support me in any way they possibly can. They cook for me when I'm too tired, or in too much pain. They read to me when I have bad dreams, so their voice is the last thing I hear before sleep. They do every single little or big thing that they can to make my life easier and happier.      I've been thinking about that a lot this week. And I think a big part of it, aside from their unending compassion , is that they also have ADHD, and they GET me in a way that NO ONE ever has. They understand that having a "Bride" tumbler with a straw and lid made...

     Ahh, gentle reader,      I ran out of postage stamps, as I often do... I've been penpalling for 6 years, and I still don't know how many I realistically need. So, I ordered 2 books - one domestic and one international. I'm about to send out 17 Happy Mails! And a couple more on Monday when the Post Office is open. 😁 So, I should be getting some reply mail next week or so. I'm so excited to make new friends, and share with old friends. I truly love penpalling. It is so enriching, and inspiring. 💟     If you don't have a penpal, I highly recommend it. It's similar to a therapist, in a way. They aren't up in your situations, so they can offer perspective. And they offer support. And send letters full of themselves, their loves, their lives. It's really amazing to get to see a part of someone's life that they might not necessarily share with people closer to them. And it's semi-anonymous, so a lot of people find freedom in writing to someone t...

      Ahh, gentle reader,     Today, I confessed to my Sweetie how very sad I am that my special tumbler that said "Bride" on it is gone. I got it at a Bridal Expo, and it probably cost them a dollar to make/decorate. But it was the ONLY item I had that confirmed my engaged status. I proposed to my Sweetie, so I didn't get a ring. And we ordered me one later, but it was a spinner, and I wash my hands with bar soap far too often for that to work. So my tumbler was like, THE THING I had that made me think of our upcoming wedding. Also, I used it to mix up sugar free lemonade, because the straw was perfect for that.       I'm diabetic, so having sugar free drinks is very important. And it made it just the tiniest bit easier, and more likely for me to make lemonade than to drink something else. Or not drink and get dehydrated...      So, I was all up in my feels, and told them how sad I was over the loss of my beloved cup (I dro...

    Ahh, gentle reader,             A few nights ago, my Sweetie and I were cuddling and talking, and I was feeling extra mushy. I said, "I don't know why I'm waxing poetic about everything today.", and the phrase has been stuck in my head ever since. It's one that I really like, probably because no one says it anymore.      There's also the fact that there's SO MUCH negativity everywhere now. And I am guilty of it, too. I want a place where I can remind myself of and share mostly positive things, things that make me giggle, things that remind me of the beauty of human beings - beyond my beloved Sweetie, who is the most beautiful of the humans .           Warning: Incoming cheese!      One of the things that brings me the most joy is that my Sweetie makes me laugh every day. EVERY . DAY . I think that is the most magnificent magic . They are not as sarcastic as I am, so it's usually...

     Ahh, gentle reader,      Hello, and welcome to my life, or as much of it as I'm willing to share on the internet. I hope you are doing well as you read this. This blog is all about my thoughts on life, liberty, and the pursuit of enough tacos to bring happiness. (I'm mostly kidding.) It may not be your cup of tea, but that's okay. We can still be friends. 😊     I'm Izzy. I'm a cisgender woman, who uses she/her pronouns. I am many other labels, which we'll get to later. 😉 I am not a mother, for multiple reasons, which we may get into later. I am happily engaged and living in sin with my partner, who shall remain named, Sweetie. 😍     We live in a shitty part of town, which I hope to someday escape from. I have dreams of owning our own home. I'd like to build it ourselves, but I don't know how reasonable that will be, given that neither of us are contractors or architects. I'll be happy as long as I have a craft room (or workshop,...