The Breakup

Ahh, Gentle Reader,

I recently broke up with a penpal. I have not heard back from her, so I’m not sure what she might say. She was my longest running penpal. She was also the oldest in age, I believe. We were friends on Failbonk. I loved her. She has always been kind to me. So, what’s the problem, you ask? 

She shared a couple posts that I so strongly disagreed with, that I was forced to act. I could not allow such injustice-driven posts to go unnoticed or unchallenged. I could not ignore the fact that she was spreading misinformation and unfiltered hatred on to her friends and that it was hurting me. 

The first one was about the rainbow, and how humanity had distorted its meaning. Apparently, it was to symbolize a covenant with “God”. I don’t know anything about this, as I gave up Christianity many years ago. I simply cannot reconcile the “just and loving God” with the one that allows children to be raped, women to be oppressed, innocent people to be tortured and killed because they happen to be a different color, or from another place, or believe something else. (I’m getting off track.)  Anyway, her post was very incendiary and triggered me, as a member of the LGBTQ+ Community. It implied that we do not exist, or are not “of God”. I cannot stand by when I am being denounced as less than, or inappropriate, or somehow harmful to children because of who I love. The person I love is the most beautiful human being I have EVER known. They are made of compassion and strength and light and forgiveness and LOVE. If it is “wrong” to love someone so beautiful, why would I want to be “right”?  

The other one was about abortion. It pictured a bed on the top, and a medical bed on the bottom. It said, “If a woman doesn’t want a baby, the choice should be made here (bed), not here (medical bed).”. It implied that women have 2 choices: abstain from sex forever, or be forced to carry a baby if pregnancy occurred. It made NO mention of temporary or permanent birth control, vasectomies (which are usually covered by insurance, fast, effective, reversible, and a damn good option for a LOT of people), adoption, OR…..abortion. It simply made it the woman’s responsibility to make the “choice”, and deal with the consequences. It INFURIATED me. As a sexually active, relatively healthy, human person - who identifies as cisgender woman - I do not agree with any part of that post. Yes, if you (AND/OR your partner) don’t want a baby, abstaining is one possibility, although not a terribly effective one, as humans are evolved to have sex (and ENJOY IT). But, if you AND/OR your partner, don’t want a baby, there are so many other options than abstaining. There’s a whole host of birth control forms – pills, injections, insert-able items (IUD/Nexplanon/etc.), condoms, morning after pills, and so on. There’s also the option to carry the baby and give it up for adoption, although this is incredibly stressful on the woman who carries the pregnancy, physically and mentally. And, ladies and gents, there is the OPTION of abortion. 

There are a TON of reasons that a woman might want/need to abort a pregnancy. I am not going to debate them. They are ALL VALID. And it is NOT MY RIGHT to tell a woman that does not want to carry a baby for nearly 10 months of her life, then care for that baby for the rest of its life, that she HAS TO, because of someone else’s “God”, or ANY other reason. Women deserve the right to CHOOSE their LIFE, whether it will be motherhood (which I have a lot of respect for, but want no part of for myself), or a stable career, or a family with their partner and 3 dogs, or literally anything else they want it to be. It is NOT MY RIGHT, or yours, to force her to have a baby, which changes literally EVERY PART OF HER LIFE, because you happen to believe it’s the “right thing” or whatever. And saying that abstinence is the solution is ludicrous!! Studies have shown (as well as anyone with half a brain knows) that abstinence only education doesn’t work, and actually results in MORE teenage pregnancies. So why would you think that inflicting these archaic beliefs on adults would be any different?  

That’s not even mentioning cases where the health of the pregnant woman is in danger, or the health of the fetus, or both. Nor is it exploring cases of rape, incest, etc. where the very act of carrying the baby is traumatic to the woman, or in some cases, CHILD. 

Why does your “God” want this? 

Why do you worship a “God” that you believe wants this? 

So, as you can probably tell, I believe VERY FIRMLY, in a woman’s right to choose. I believe that women are capable of intelligent thought, faith, and deciding (with the insight of their partner and doctor) what is the right path for their life. But ultimately, it is the woman’s choice. I could probably write a book about my thoughts, feelings, observations, and studies on this, but I’ll refrain (for now). 

When my friend shared that post, I was just incensed. I couldn’t believe such a (typically) reasonable woman would share something so rooted in ignorance and lack of freewill. I couldn’t believe that someone I had admired had taken a stand in such a way, against freedom, against choice, against women. 

For this reason, I chose to end our penpal and online friendship. I love her. I cried and mourned the loss of that relationship. But I will not stand on the side of oppression. Never, as long as I am of sound mind, will I help people steal others’ freedoms, their choices, their lives. And to try to explain that to a 60-something year old WOMAN (I’m sorry, I can’t get over the fact that WOMEN are doing this to other WOMEN), was just too much for me. Perhaps that makes me weak, but I need to reserve my strength to fight for the rights of women, and LGBTQ+ Community members, and members of the BDSM Community, and SO MANY OTHERS who need a champion, an ALLY, renewed strength as theirs falters after DECADES of this fight. 

I felt the need to share this, as it’s possible that some of you will hear about the breakup, as well as because I simply cannot be silent any more. The time of silence, of “it is what it is” (WHICH IS FUCKING BULLSHIT, BY THE WAY), of acquiescence in hopes of avoiding a fight, is OVER. I cannot be silent. I cannot not fight. I cannot, or my soul will surely perish. 

I hope that if you’re reading this, and disagree, you will at least give it some consideration. I hope that you will research, discuss, listen, learn, and THEN make an informed decision, rather than being a Keyboard Warrior. I hope that you will still love me and we can remain friends, but if you don’t, and we can’t, I hope that you exit my page, and life, peacefully, to fight your own fight. I am sending love to all who read this. Thank you for listening, and being one of the good ones. <3